And that's the end of the story.

LMC says: Would you recommend living at the Hall?
Yes.
And when I move out in February, I'll tell you the real answer.

Carlabalala says: Are you gonna keep up the every day posting?
Fuck no.
And in about a paragraph I suspect I'll tell you the real answer.

NaBloPoMo is over. (Well, it will be when the rest of the world realises that it's today already.)
Was it hard? Yeah, a bit. But not really. But kinda.
Will I do it again? For sure.
Why? Because I like being told what to do, apparently. It forces you to be creative and find topics or make them up.
Will I keep it up in the meantime? I will try. I like the challenge, but I suspect it will be a logistical hassle on occasion. Plus, I still think it's better not to post anything that to post a load of shit. [The internet: Like you're doing right now?]
Am I finished asking myself questions? Yes. But I have some for you.

Actually, it's a demand. Tell me about your NaBloPoMo experience. Please.

You may now resume your regularly scheduled lives.

Grown-ups know when to eat whatever's left in the fridge

I just went grocery shopping.

Despite having fed myself (or not) every weekend for the past year and a half, as well as living on my own for random bits of time at various house-sitting venues, I consider this my first real grocery shop.

I think the woman at the deli knew it too. She looked at me like I was a little kid playing dress-up, and not in the nice, 'we'll play along and have some fun' way. More in the 'we'll play along then watch her crash and burn' way.

Some advice to future grown-up me:

1. Pick a different day to go shopping.
2. Pick a different place.
3. Pick a different month, dude.

But hey, I got bread, butter, and vegemite. I'll be just fine.

My Dad

Today is my dad's birthday.

He likes motorbikes, his kids, and making things out of wood. Maybe not in that order.

This year, like last, he is in Darwin and I am not. He will have to wait til he gets here for a birthday hug. Poor dad.

But! He is a lucky guy. Cos he has an incredibly thoughtful daughter who would wake up early just to give a birthday phone call. He must love her so much right now.

She loves him a lot.

A text message is worth a thousand wrdz

Maths and I have a love/hate relationship. Love in that ... I hate it. No, not really.

I like the logic part of it. Like quadratic equations. I could quadratic the hell out of those equations. Actually anything like balancing equations I could do - where everything is already there, all you have to do is move things around. Yeah, I can do that.

I'm not so good with the adding and subtracting thing. Something which you all now know, and therefore should take into consideration should we ever have an exchange such as this.

Last night:

Missy: What time should I call in the morning?
skywalker: 7 40
Missy: Cool talk to you then.

This morning:

skywalker: Our 7:40 not urs

Stupid Daylight Savings!

I would like to state that I was in the top maths class every year in high school. (Maybe I should also add that the Careers teacher was a bit doubtful about this decision.) WHATEVER! I'm an English student! We don't need maths. It's not like it would come in handy in real life situations, ever.

I am so confused

Dude. House isn't on tonight. I have no idea what day it is. Help!

Dude

Seriously?

*****

Ha! That's awesome! I just took that with my new phone, clicked Blog This, sent it to here, and there it is! Oh my god, how cool is that???

All you get for Christmas

To: LMC, vsquared, and skywalker.*
Re: Your Christmas presents.

I know it's a bit early and it'll ruin the suprise, but I really wanted to tell you what I'm getting each of you.

I'm going to take you shopping for one of those awesome amazing massage chairs.

Now, lest the internet think I am crazy generous and willing to hand over $3000+ this Christmas, can I remind it that I said take shopping. We're not actually going to buy one. But I figure we can hit maybe four furniture shops and get an hour or so massage for the low low price of ... my time. It is so worth it. Those chairs are brilliant.

Do I take care of you on the holidays or what?

PS: It is Laura-my-friend's birthday today. She is old. Happy Birthday chickie. Come visit me!

*This generous offer extends to any blog-people who are in my general area, ever. If I'm not at the beach that day.

Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy

Dear Diary,

Today we went to the beach.

It was wet and sandy.

Love,
Missy.


Dear Diary,

Tomorrow I will go to the video shop.

Then I will watch lots of movies.

Love,
Missy.


Dear Diary,

Holidays are kinda boring.

Love,
Missy.

I have a new phone / I am an idiot

So yeah, the phone actually does work. I do not, but the phone does.

And it is AWESOME.



You are jealous, aren't you?

Fortunately / Unfortunately

I got a new phone today.

It doesn't work.

Attn: banking-type people

Isn't the whole point of the internet that you can shop at midnight?

Suspicious activity my arse.

SOMEONE is taking NaBloPoMo a bit too seriously ...

... or maybe Bloglines is messing with my mind.

Cos I'm In A Bitching Mood

Just had a long two days on being in charge of counter while Counter Chick partied away at Schoolies. A month before Christmas. I'm dead tired, and planning to (a) watch a movie, (b) read a book, and (c) sleep, in that order, immediately after I post this.

There are about ten bajillion sites and posts on what to do and not to do with a blog. (Number One is intelligible sentences.) But the other day I went through someone's blogroll and it took ten blogs before I found one I would even consider coming back to.

And since I am tired and bitchy, here are the things that annoyed me. Please don't do it again.

Six 'Ten Things...' posts in a row. These should be a last resort. Like, in November.

Three blogs had realllllllly loooooooooooooong paragraphs.

The pink Blogger template. Automatic disqualification.

Spanish lessons? May be interesting to some, but not me.

Every post on the front page about the NFL. Not me.

Three posts in a row about things they "loathe." Can't you find at least one thing you love in between all that loathing?

Three Little Einsteins posts in a row. I'm sure it takes up a huge amount of your life. Doesn't have to take over your blog too.

Lists. Ha. Yeah. Anyway.

Okay? Thanks.

Tomorrow I have to buy a new phone. Usually I fall in love with a phone and just have to have it, but this time I am going shopping and not coming home without a phone, whether I like it or not, since my phone seems to have decided to shit itself once and for all. Any suggestions?

The ain't no party like a Lebanon party

I would like to introduce someone less lazy than me my replacement a guest poster. Please welcome ... LMC!

Hello All!!
I'm laura aka LMC. I'm approaching the end of my year as a nanny in lebanon and Missy has been nice enough to let me do a little post about my time in the middle east.

I came over in january, the middle of winter (yuck), with the intention of working and studying as i figured 'seriously its lebanon how many friends can you make here'.

Although the job part of my time here turned sour quite quickly I managed to wrestle myself some time off to pursue a life i.e. boozing at the pub.I live/d in a small town an hour south of beirut and 2hrs north of the israeli border. As many of you would know last year lebanon and israel were at war. Remnants of the war are still visible here in the town i live in, and in beirut. The highway to beirut had several bridges wiped out but most of them are almost rebuilt.

Lebanon is such a beautiful country and i have had such a wonderful time here. I've met more people and more different nationalities than i ever thought possible. I started my 'life' with the odd weekend at skandars (which soon became MY pub) with my boss. Then i met a british girl around my age and we started to hang out a bit. She then introduced me to a group of male british deminers who had a thirst for beer and doing silly things which is where my My Life began.

I did the usual things drunk 20 somethings do, a lot of the time resulting in monster hangovers i thought i'd never recover from. But then there was the swimming in the ocean drunk at 4 in the morning when its 10degrees, Singing into a toilet brush (Clean I swear it was brand new) that someone got free with something at the supermarket, Swapping clothes with my male friends...why you ask? Because we could! We became such regulars at this pub that the owner started calling me 'queen of the pub' and every time we came in they would play our theme songs: American Pie and The Gambler. We would then thrust our beers in the air and sing like, well, like we could actually sing.

Some of my best time here was summer when we sat at this little shack with $1 beers from morning til night and jet skiied all day. The tan i got was A-MA-ZING!I've snorkeled roman ruins, I've puked my guts up on a boat trip (was gross but hell funny).

I've also travelled while I've been over here. I spent easter trawlling the souks of Damscus which has a roof full of bullet holes giving a sort of starry effect as you wander through. (Note: Its bloody busy there so if your one of those people who doesn't like being shoved...dont go)

I made a trip to Istanbul, turkey to visit some friends and the mosques they have are large and beautiful.You probably couldn't care less but i have met my bf here and he and i went to cyprus where i got a tattoo, my first, quite an experience. We partied it up in agia napa which is a great place if thats all you want to do.I've danced on bars at posh beach resorts and partied at beach concerts, I've even shopped at some ridiculously expensive european shops (bad bad bad idea, my credit card hates me).

Lebanon has some of the most beautiful landscape and there's always something going on.

Winter is setting in now and I'm going to miss the snow this year but i've had such a wonderful time and made such amazing friends. Lebanon is definately a place I would come back to time and time again.

Cheers,
Laura
xxx

Bye All (and other random thoughts)

Today is the day before Moving Out Saturday. This means the whole Hall is moving out some time in the next two days. Bye! I'll miss drinking with you!

24-Hour Noise Curfew finishes at 9am tomorrow. Later! Won't miss you at all!

I just read approximately 50 bajillion Thanksgiving posts. I've never had pumpkin pie.

They cooked us a Christmas Dinner on Wednesday. I think crackling should be crackly not chewy. I don't like Christmas Pudding unless it has money in it.

Apparently there was nothing hot at last night's dinner. At all. Which I think is taking the Christmas Day / Boxing Day metaphor a bit too far.

I didn't mind because I had Subway. The amount of Subway we (at the Hall) eat is ridiculous. And! I heard today that they are thinking of putting one in at Flinders! But the other ones don't want us to stop going to them.

I say apparently because I was at work. Where I will be all weekend. This is because everyone else who works there will be off at Schoolies in Victor. (Schoolies is where all the little kids who just finished high school go off and get drunk for a week/end.)

This means that everywhere we wanted to go and drink in the past week has been filled with little kids. How you can tell? They haven't learned to take off their shoes until they're at the front of the line.

Q: How long does it take to lose a car key?

A: Approximately two hours.

This is especially awesome when the car is not yours, but a friend's, who's currently flying all the way around the world, having left you in charge of her baby.

Can I get a round of applause? A high five?

PS, it's found. Don't worry. But I advise against buying chickpeas if you want to hang on to your car keys.

Boy Oh Boy

Thiru said...
What is your general opinion about men? Do you think they have some common bad or good qualities?Who are the "few good men" you would be thankful to in your life? Have you had any awful experiences with any men?

So it's taken me a while to get around to posting the answer. Mainly because I didn't have one. But I'll do my best.

The most important man in my life is my dad. Daddy's Little Girl is supposed to have him wrapped around her little finger, but in reality, I do almost everything he asks of me. I was an only child for eight years and me and my dad had a pretty great time together in those eight years. And the rest of the years after that of course, but I have really fun memories of bike rides and swimming and 'helping' with woodwork projects.

The other 'man' in my life is my brother. In some ways he is such a mini-me. (Physically, not so much. He's almost as tall as me now. ;-) ) Some expressions and attitudes he has are all me. Sometimes I wish I could teach him a bit about life or something, but we don't really have that. He wouldn't even let me teach him to drive! What the hell?!

I don't have that many guy friends. But since maybe Year 12, working at ASS, and living here at the Hall, I'm working on it.

I haven't had any experiences I would class as 'awful.' I haven't had that many experiences full stop so that is maybe not saying much.

In general, I do not understand guys. I do not understand what they want (and yes, Shopping Boy, I am looking at you). I think they're fun to hang out with, but sometimes it's too much effort to decipher what they're actually saying.

I would like to point out that Shelle and I stayed up talking til 4am and then got up and went shopping and through the car wash (and I really wish I'd had my camera - that would've been an excellent post) and therefore I am very tired, which is why this post is what it is.

So yeah. Tell me about guys.

Heard in my room last night

You're better at screwing than I am.
Screw harder.
How about the other way.
I don't think it goes there.
It doesn't fit!
It's too big.
It's too small.
So that's what those things are for.
What are those little things?
Try it from the back?
It's not going to stay.
It's moving too much.
It's touching it!
It's vibrating.
Hey, it turns around!
Should we turn it on now?
What if it comes off in my face?
I think we need protection.



Hey, it works!
That feels goooood.

The interwebz is the boss of me

Missy: I have to do a post tonight.
Jollan: Why?
Missy: Cos I have to.
Jollan: You don't have to.
Missy: Yes I do.
Jollan: Why?
Missy: Cos I do.
Jollan: You don't.
Missy: Yes I do.
Jollan: Why?
Missy: Everyone has to.
Jollan: No they don't.
Missy: Yes they do. The internet said so.

Re: No Smoking

Dear Shenannigans, The Grand, The Pier, The Backpackers, and every other pub and club in Adelaide.

Thanks for this whole 'no smoking in pubs and clubs' thing you have going on now. I like it very much.

Might I suggest, however, that you also ban smoking outside, since we still have to line up to get in. Also, could you make your smoke machine not smell like smoke?

My hair will thank you the next morning, I promise.

Cheers,
Missy.

What you're no doubt getting for Christmas

And they're all mine. Cos me and the woodturnerer are like this. Go here to be even more jealous of me.

Livin' On A Prayer*

*Cos we're halfway there? Get it? ANYway.

How bout some randomness? Awesome.

- HaMad says 'hell' a lot. "It's hell hot." "We should hell go to the beach today." "This was a hell good idea."

- Jollan does not believe that you can smell rain. (You so can.)

- Shelle thinks you can taste sleep.

- Carla is wishing she remembered what sleep was.

- I have a huge bruise on my thigh from standing up when there was a pool table in the way.

- This is not a good look when paired with my new bikini.

- I have to work tomorrow. From nine to five. Who does that? (Apart from, yknow, like, everybody?)

- But then I get to go out.

- This is only good because I bought two new dresses today.

- I bought new shoes too.

- However, I wore them for five minutes in my room and my feet were caning.

- But that's ok cos I wasn't drinking during those five minutes. Tomorrow night will be a whole nother story.

- Clearly I am too tired to construct actual paragraphs.

- This is because I am very exhaustified from my day which consisted of the following:
1. wake up in time for breakfast.
2. edit Shelle's essay (cos I am awesome like that).
3. go shopping.
4. get massages.
5. go to the beach.
6. read the seventy bajillion posts you all wrote while I was away from my computer for ONE DAY OH MY GOD.

- Therefore, ergo, hence, and so, I am going to bed. I hope you all had a lovely day and awesome weather and lots of pretty shoes and dresses. Feel free to comment with your Best And Worst for the week.

Happy Birthday, LMC!

This story is dedicated to my cousin, LMC, whose birthday it is today. So you should all wish her a Happy Birthday, even though she may be too drunk to hear you.

Once upon a time, there were two little girls. They were born three months apart, and their mothers were sisters, so they basically grew up together.



They did all sorts of things, like ride to the shops for ice-cream, play basketball, and tease their younger brothers. Then they turned 18, and did all sorts of other things, like drink a lot of alcohol.



They both got jobs working with kids, which neither of them would have predicted, I don't think.



A bit later, they travelled to distant areas of the globe, to places like Adelaide and Lebanon, where they met a lot of awesome people and one of them got a tattoo and her belly pierced.



While they were away, they spent more time talking on msn than they ever spent together when they lived in the same city.



They are now looking forward to drinking, shopping, and going to the beach when LMC gets here in 28 days.

Happy Birthday, LMC. Hope it's a great one. See you soon.

Edited to add this, cos this site is hell funny:

Things to do now that uni is finished

1. Buy some new thongs. (If you think this is scandalous talk, try 'flip-flops.')



2. Buy a new bikini.



3. Find somewhere to live.



4. Go to the beach.



5. Get a tan.



Hmm. Almost there. Four out of five's not bad.

Booking It

Last night I was trying to remember the title of a book that Skywalker had when he was little.* I thought Amazon could help me, so I went to their kids book section to see if I could find it.

Oh my god, the books I found. Some were awesome flashbacks, like Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge, Possum Magic, Farmer Schultz's Ducks, We're Going On A Bear Hunt, The Jolly Postman, The Rainbow Fish, Anamalia, Where the Wild Things Are, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and The Little Red Caboose (get it? it always came last? ok, anyway).

But in amongst all these old favourites were some that made me worry a bit for the current generation of young readers. Things like:

The Alphabet From A to Y With Bonus Letter Z! Cos the plain old alphabet isn't good enough anymore.

Everybody Poops Which ... yeah. But do we have to read about it?

Walter the Farting Dog Dude, of course it's the dog. Always blame the dog.

Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type Hey! I resemble that remark!

Touch the Art: Make Van Gogh's Bed Is it wrong that I think that sounds dirty?

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer Just like a horse whisperer. No wait, that sounds like your precious darling is a crazy animal. And I would never imply that out loud.

Teeth Are Not for Biting Oh really? Shit, I've been doing it wrong all these years. This eating thing is hard.

No, David! One of our clients was named David. Turns out there's a whole series about him: Oh, David, David Gets In Trouble, and, my personal favourite, David Smells.

The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts You people have an unhealthy obsession with this stuff.

My First Book of Cutting Do they get a lot of suicidal three year olds?

Hamlet (Shakesperare for Everyone Series) I know they said everyone but this is in the 0-3 years category.

The Pigeon Has Feelings, Too! Oops, I'll stop calling it names then. My bad.

First Book of Sushi I know it's very trendy and I've seen lots of kids that like it, but seriously.

This Little Piggy Went to Prada I just want to know why he didn't invite me. Ok, I just noticed it's subtitle: Nursery Rhymes for the Blahnik Brigade. Seriously? Seriously??? Anyway, then it says: (Hardcover) followed by [BARGAIN PRICE]. Does the Blahnik Brigade really care about the price of its books?

Preparing for Adolescence Still in the 0-3 category. Getting an early start, I assume.

The Stupids Die Wow, that's way harsh, dude.

And finally, 33 Uses for a Dad Nice to know there are some. (Kidding.)

What were your favourite kids books growing up? I'm sure I left some out, so let me know.

*If you want to help me out, the book was one where some of the words had been replaced by pictures. I think there was a witch story in there. The last page said: "T[hat]'s it, t[hat]'s all, U R at the end. Close the [book] and [bee]gin again." Anyone? Bueller?

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

I handed in my take-home test today, my last thing ever.

I am officially finished uni.

Tomorrow I am off to Marion to buy a new pair of swimmers, so I can start on the next phase of my life.



Widely known as "Summer," also known as "Let's Go To The Beach."

Who wants to join me?

Next Year ...

... I will go to the Christmas Pageant.

The Adelaide Christmas Pageant has been held every year (except during WWII) since 1933.



It's televised live, and every year Gma would tape it and we'd watch it when we came down here for Christmas. So I feel like it's part of my tradition too, even though I've never actually been to it.

But, of course, I was working yesterday and couldn't go to it. NEXT YEAR.

There's heaps of floats like the Snail Trail, Rapunzel, and St George and the Dragon



and bands (where heaps equals eight and four, respectively, in 1933, and fifty-seven and fourteen in 2007) and clowns.



The favouritest bits are Nipper and Nimble (don't ask me which one's which) (the brown one is Nipper and the white one is Nimble). I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only young girl whose life's ambition was to ride one of them in the Christmas Pageant.



After the Pageant, Nipper and Nimble go to the Magic Cave with Santa (oops! spoiler) so I have actually ridden one or both. Aren't you jealous?

And right at the end, the one we've all been waiting for ...



Father Christmas!

Only 44 days til Christmas! Better get shopping!

What are your Christmas (or other holiday) traditions? Do you want to come to the Christmas Pageant with me next year? Have you started your Christmas shopping? And, more importantly, do you want to do mine?

Australia's Got Talent

Last Friday we had Panda Awards-slash-Auction-slash-Open Mic Night. Last night we had some Med Students Coffee House acoustic session thing.



At Panda Awards, Andrew dedicated this song to Shelle's friend Melissa. There was complete and utter silence as they played/sang (and in the Dining Hall, during dinner time, that is saying a lot) and it was absolutely beautiful. Me, Shelle, and Jollan were all in tears by the end of it.

They didn't say anything last night before they played it (which was good because then I didn't have to get all emotional again), but I will always think of this as Melissa and Shelle's song.



The song is Augie March's "There Is No Such Place."

Also? I can play Seven Nation Army. On the guitar. An instrument which I cannot play. But now I can! Whoo!



Seriously. Look at this. During practice, she was being so casual about it, sitting down, standing up, without missing a (perfect) note. Talented bitch.

GMA180

My last assignment for Writing and Designing for the Web was to create a website, on any topic, using a CSS template from somewhere. (Incidentally, what is it with these lecturers and their vague assignments?)

As my Gma is turning 80 in like a month, I thought she would make a nice topic for my site. After all, the last eighty years have been pretty interesting ones, right?*

Here's my header:



And a bit of the site:



If it actually goes live somewhere, I'll let you know the link. Possibly. I don't think Gma would be too happy about her pic all over the interwebs, but as she never uses the computer, maybe what she doesn't know won't hurt me.

*Also, I thought it would be easy. And it was, pretty much. I interviewed her last Thursday, started on the site on Monday afternoon, and it's done now, Thursday night - but actually Friday morning, especially for the purposes of NaBloPoMo.

Be Afraid

(11:25 PM) carlabalala: go ahead. start doing Elliott's "I Told You So" song and dance routine
(11:27 PM) carlabalala: ooh, i have a suggestion for PoBloMoFoHoSo or whatever the hell it's called. perhaps the strangest thing you're scared of? You know, like JD from scrubs has an irrational fear of pennies?

Well Carla, actually, I am very brave. I don't mind heights, snakes, or spiders. I have some issues with snorkeling - I'm not too good at breathing underwater - but I've still done it a couple of times. So that's not a very good story. We might have to go back a bit to when I wasn't so good at denying everything.

So here're some fears - mine and other people's and other people's caused by me and mine again:

When I was little, I was convinced that the flushing sound of the toilet was the toilet monster roaring his way out. I had to finish washing my hands and be out of the bathroom before the noise stopped or else ... he'd eat me? Of course, this was basically impossible, but I still sprinted from the toilet to the sink to the towel rail and out of there oh my god hurry up!

When we were little, LMC, Jem(MC), and I used to ride our bikes up to Tiwi Shops for an icypole. I was three months older than LMC and we were three years old than Jem(MC) and because I was the oldest - and the other two were too chicken - I always had to do the talking. Even though I knew that LMC was much more outgoing than me, and much more adult as far as movies and music and swearing went. I was more book-smart of course, but I didn't see what that had to do with talking to strangers.

When we were little, us kids used to play at the creche on the weekends while our parents did bookkeeping and yardwork things. One day, LMC and I decided it was time to go home. So we did. Unfortunately, we neglected to tell anyone before we started walking. Sorry guys!

When I was a little less little, as in old enough to stay home by myself, I stayed home by myself one day. Please understand this was very early in my staying home by myself career. Ok? So I'm sitting there playing PacMan on our Commodore64 when I hear some kids' voices saying,
"Ok, we'll just do one more house then we'll go."
Seriously, what was I supposed to think? OF COURSE they were coming to rob the joint. So I hid under the computer table where I couldn't be seen from that side of the house and waited for them to ... rob us? go away? I don't know. They knock on the door and I'm hiding under the table, when all of a sudden PacMan starts blaring out his theme song for the whole world and all the burglars in it to hear.

Oh and PS of course they weren't out to rob us, they were collecting for the MS Readathon.

And since I can't really let that Scrubs reference go without actually showing you a clip, here is Elliott's "I Told You So" Dance:

NaBloPoMo's evil plan seems to be working out just fine

97. Ninety-seven. Ninety-seven.



At least a couple of people managed to refrain from posting.

Life is uncertain

When we go to dinner, we check the menu board and look at dessert first. Basically, I live for the Hall's chocolate pudding or apple crumble. (Or APPLE CRUMBLE! as some of us like to call it.)

Today on the late tea order sheet it said 'choc pud.' Yay! Tonight on the menu board it said 'choc pudding baked in custard.' The hell?



Tonight was the first time ever I have not finished my chocolate pudding. (Usually I go back for seconds. Shh, don't tell anybody.) I sincerely hope this tragic event will never recur.

Do not mess with custard when you're making my dessert.

Hmm. Two posts in one day. I may regret not saving this for later. Probably on like the 30th of November.

Goodbye, Bristol, Goodbye*

Bristol went back to Hawaii today, which is good, because now if we go to Hawaii we will have somewhere to stay and someone to party with and teach us how to surf. On the other hand, now that I think of it, it's kinda not good, cos guess what? That means she's not here anymore. Which is sad.



We'll miss you Bristol.

*If you know where this quote has been butchered from, we will point and laugh at you, then kill you before you tell the whole interwebz that we read it too.

This is a very serious occasion

I just had my last class ever.

It was full of somber and educational smart-making things. Namely ...



... we watched a movie.

And now that all my classes are over, I would just like to say that I never want to hear the word 'postmodern' ever again. It is highly overused in universities these days, and I recommend its immediate dismissal from everybody's vocabularies.

Coming Out

One of the most common phrases around the Hall would have to be, "You coming out tonight?" Quite often, the answer is, "Wellllll, I really should do some homework." This is usually followed by the conversees proceeding to go out.

Shennanigans
AKA: Shags, Shennanies.
Location: Marion.
Type: Irish pub.
Dance: Stage, dancefloor, DJs, bands, podium dancers.
When: Ladies Night, Thursday.
Drinks: $1 vodkas, 1/2 price drinks on Thursdays.

New Yorks
Location: Marion.
Type: Bar and Grill during the day, nightclub at night.
Dance: Dancefloor, DJs.
When: Thursdays, after Shags.

The Tonsley
Location: South Road.
Type: Sports-ish bar.
Dance: Dancefloor, shit speakers, decent live bands.
When: When House Committee tells us the after-party is there.

Jetty Bar, The Grand, The Pier
Location: Glenelg.
Dance: Yep!
When: Sundays.

The City
Location: Duh, the City, depends how far you're willing to walk as to how many places we make it to.
When: Fridays and Saturdays.
Drinks: Cocktail jugs at Mansions, real cocktails at The Casino.
Features: Mechanical bull at the Woolshed.

And just for you, LMC, one of the Shags bartenders:



Thanks for the postal inspiration, chickie.

Hi, ho.

As I mentioned, I am now a working girl.

I worked at the same place, let's call it A Sports Store (ASS! Hee!) in Darwin for three years (well, not actually, since I was out of the country for three months, and later employed full-time elsewhere and therefore ignored my casual ASS responsibilities) meaning I didn't have to work too hard to get work here.

Mostly, things are the same with only minor changes. However, I have decided to implement a few new policies:

- Customers are not allowed to touch the table tees. (Table tees are folded t-shirts in piles as opposed to hanging.) I spend much of my day folding table tees and it's all so unnecessary. No touching.

- Ok fine, I realise customers need to be able to look at merchandise. We will be running classes in-store on how to fold table tees correctly. You may play with the table tees as much as you like, as long as the fold tables are nice and neat when you're done.

- Customers are not allowed to try things on. What? FINE. Just dude, how is it that you always manage to find, try on, and then decide not to buy the trackie pants that don't actually have a home. My job? To put them back where they belong. HOW CAN I IF THEY DON'T HAVE A HOME???

- Running concurrently with the table tee lessons: lessons on how to hang pants the ASS way. Then you can try on all the homeless pants you like, because you will be able to hang them up and put them away in their right place.*

- We will not subject our employees to listening to a radio station that is running a competition that requires them to repeat the name of a movie, its stars, and the cinema where it's previewing approximately twelve times an hour. Change the station. Also not allowed: listening to any station that will cause Hey There Delilah to get stuck in its employees' heads for days afterwards.

- Also not a fan of the "upgrade" to the computer system which means we have a store full of stuff that won't scan. Thanks heaps, people in change of such things.

*I reserve the right to continue to wander clothing and undo and redo perfectly hung pants just for something to do. I was introduced to this long-standing ASS tradition on my first day at (Darwin) work and I intend to uphold it.

In conclusion,
We like: Counter Chick when she's on by herself.
We don't like: being on with more girls.
We like: Cricket Guy doing our vacuuming for us. What?
We don't like: Customers who ask questions.
We like: Free cookie and drink with our Subway lunch.
We don't like: What those extra cookies are doing to our hips.

A Letter From The Scarlet Lady

Dear Adelaide Drivers,

Hi. Feel free to not beep, yell, or give the finger in my direction. I know I'm slow. There is no need for you to point this out. I am not doing it to piss you off. However, if you ride so close up my arse I can hear your passenger bitching about how slow I'm going, I may possibly be forced to slow down.

Feel free to overtake me. In fact, I encourage it. Can I make a couple of suggestions however. Use your indicators. I don't need other people pissed at you, because angry drivers are NSFS.* More importantly, there are two lanes. (There better be at least two lanes if you are attempting to overtake me.) You need to get all the way into the other lane before getting so far up my arse etc etc. Then you need to stay in the other lane - your lane - until you are all the way past me, preferably until I can't read your stupid bumper stickers, before coming back into MY lane. Personal space, dude.

Feel free to exchange your smelly, noisy, boring car for a scooter or motorbike. This will force you to pay attention when you drive. Then you will notice things like the sucky road surface, and the other drivers on the road, and the smell of frangipani on the corner.

Sincerely,
The Scarlet Lady.

*If you don't know what this means, you clearly haven't been looking at any interesting Not Safe For Work sites. Don't lie, we know you do.

NaBloPoMo1: Randomness ... Better than a blank screen

I think I just discovered why this is hard. It's being asked to perform on command. To have something interesting, funny, amusing to say every single day. Dude, that's hard.

So I scrapped the idea of having anything interesting/funny/amusing to say and decided to go with what I would've posted, had this not been me losing my NaBloPoMo virginity and thus an important occasion that should be full of pomp and circumstance and LOLs or enlightenment instead of what it is: a list.

1. My wall is rapidly getting things crossed off it. It now looks like this:



which, as you can maybe see, means I have only two things left. One is a take-home test which we get after watching a movie on Monday, and the other is a website. So you can see why I am not actually stressing too much in this "stressful" part of semester. Which leads me to...

2. Swotvac. I hate swotvac. Specifically, I hate the 24-hour noise curfew. However, once those two things mentioned above are done, I envision myself either (a) sleeping, (b) eating toast, or (c) at the beach, so hopefully it won't be too annoying for me. (Because it's all about me, and not about the people who maybe have to be studying.)

3. Remember the essay I made into a website because I am a cheater? She was either going to love it or hate it. Well, guess what?



HD. She loves me. (Lucky, cos the one I hate gave me a P, my first for this semester. And I was going so well too with the HDs and the Ds and the couple of Cs. Oh well.)

4. I am still taking questions, and really, it's in your best interests to provide me with some. Let's face it - a whole month of lists? Not so much fun for any of us. Come on, anything. Something you've been wondering about me, something you've written/read about lately, something stupid even. Stupid is good. And hey, how about if I return the favour if you want blog topics this month? Is bribery working? Good.