Last night I was trying to remember the title of a book that Skywalker had when he was little.* I thought Amazon could help me, so I went to their kids book section to see if I could find it.
Oh my god, the books I found. Some were awesome flashbacks, like Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge, Possum Magic, Farmer Schultz's Ducks, We're Going On A Bear Hunt, The Jolly Postman, The Rainbow Fish, Anamalia, Where the Wild Things Are, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and The Little Red Caboose (get it? it always came last? ok, anyway).
But in amongst all these old favourites were some that made me worry a bit for the current generation of young readers. Things like:
The Alphabet From A to Y With Bonus Letter Z! Cos the plain old alphabet isn't good enough anymore.
Everybody Poops Which ... yeah. But do we have to read about it?
Walter the Farting Dog Dude, of course it's the dog. Always blame the dog.
Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type Hey! I resemble that remark!
Touch the Art: Make Van Gogh's Bed Is it wrong that I think that sounds dirty?
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer Just like a horse whisperer. No wait, that sounds like your precious darling is a crazy animal. And I would never imply that out loud.
Teeth Are Not for Biting Oh really? Shit, I've been doing it wrong all these years. This eating thing is hard.
No, David! One of our clients was named David. Turns out there's a whole series about him: Oh, David, David Gets In Trouble, and, my personal favourite, David Smells.
The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts You people have an unhealthy obsession with this stuff.
My First Book of Cutting Do they get a lot of suicidal three year olds?
Hamlet (Shakesperare for Everyone Series) I know they said everyone but this is in the 0-3 years category.
The Pigeon Has Feelings, Too! Oops, I'll stop calling it names then. My bad.
First Book of Sushi I know it's very trendy and I've seen lots of kids that like it, but seriously.
This Little Piggy Went to Prada I just want to know why he didn't invite me. Ok, I just noticed it's subtitle: Nursery Rhymes for the Blahnik Brigade. Seriously? Seriously??? Anyway, then it says: (Hardcover) followed by [BARGAIN PRICE]. Does the Blahnik Brigade really care about the price of its books?
Preparing for Adolescence Still in the 0-3 category. Getting an early start, I assume.
The Stupids Die Wow, that's way harsh, dude.
And finally, 33 Uses for a Dad Nice to know there are some. (Kidding.)
What were your favourite kids books growing up? I'm sure I left some out, so let me know.
*If you want to help me out, the book was one where some of the words had been replaced by pictures. I think there was a witch story in there. The last page said: "T[hat]'s it, t[hat]'s all, U R at the end. Close the [book] and [bee]gin again." Anyone? Bueller?
Peter Pan. My favouritest book in the whole wide world. The only book I was interested in at a young age... and that's only because someone else read it to me. I hate reading until my Year 3 teacher revolutionised English for me through one simple action: taught me how to spell my surname. Thus my love affair with English began. She did other revolutionary stuff too that helped cement this love affair. Thank you Mrs Fanning. The best kick-arse teacher in the world.
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