Hi, ho.

As I mentioned, I am now a working girl.

I worked at the same place, let's call it A Sports Store (ASS! Hee!) in Darwin for three years (well, not actually, since I was out of the country for three months, and later employed full-time elsewhere and therefore ignored my casual ASS responsibilities) meaning I didn't have to work too hard to get work here.

Mostly, things are the same with only minor changes. However, I have decided to implement a few new policies:

- Customers are not allowed to touch the table tees. (Table tees are folded t-shirts in piles as opposed to hanging.) I spend much of my day folding table tees and it's all so unnecessary. No touching.

- Ok fine, I realise customers need to be able to look at merchandise. We will be running classes in-store on how to fold table tees correctly. You may play with the table tees as much as you like, as long as the fold tables are nice and neat when you're done.

- Customers are not allowed to try things on. What? FINE. Just dude, how is it that you always manage to find, try on, and then decide not to buy the trackie pants that don't actually have a home. My job? To put them back where they belong. HOW CAN I IF THEY DON'T HAVE A HOME???

- Running concurrently with the table tee lessons: lessons on how to hang pants the ASS way. Then you can try on all the homeless pants you like, because you will be able to hang them up and put them away in their right place.*

- We will not subject our employees to listening to a radio station that is running a competition that requires them to repeat the name of a movie, its stars, and the cinema where it's previewing approximately twelve times an hour. Change the station. Also not allowed: listening to any station that will cause Hey There Delilah to get stuck in its employees' heads for days afterwards.

- Also not a fan of the "upgrade" to the computer system which means we have a store full of stuff that won't scan. Thanks heaps, people in change of such things.

*I reserve the right to continue to wander clothing and undo and redo perfectly hung pants just for something to do. I was introduced to this long-standing ASS tradition on my first day at (Darwin) work and I intend to uphold it.

In conclusion,
We like: Counter Chick when she's on by herself.
We don't like: being on with more girls.
We like: Cricket Guy doing our vacuuming for us. What?
We don't like: Customers who ask questions.
We like: Free cookie and drink with our Subway lunch.
We don't like: What those extra cookies are doing to our hips.