Dear US Airways

Dear US Airways,

This is not a Complaint letter. Your people were all lovely to me, even if they did pull that whole "Welcome to Chicago" thing when we were in fact (I think) landing in Detroit. This is more of a What The Fuck? letter.

First of all, you're making everyone remove their shoes straight off the bat now? Like, what exactly do you think I'm concealing in my Havaianas, huh? And then there's the whole liquid thing (which I really should have thought about, since Amalah totally gave me a lesson the value of Sephora sample sizes, but I didn't, being more concerned with my own hydration than your airline codes). You won't let me take through an unopened bottle of water, and you escort me out - like, physically escort me, and won't let me have my bottle of water back until I'm passed the security checkpoint - but I'm allowed to take on a spray can of sunscreen. The hell?

And then there's the slot machines at the airport. Which I think is pretty cool and Vegasish and whatnot, actually. Plus, it was considerate of you to put them there as the designated waiting area had many less chairs than was required. But given that you had to be playing the pokies to sit at one of the chairs there, I would have to say that that was the most expensive seat I've ever sat in.

And finally, on the plane. You turned the lights off before we'd even started taxiing, which, whatever, it's the red-eye, people want to sleep (and yes I was that person who had their reading light on when everyone else was trying to nap). But then, you demand that people pull down their window shades RIGHT THE FUCK NOW because it will be bright when we land in Detroit. I have to tell you, if I were in a window seat, I would have staged a protest right then and there. Surely Vegas is one of the prettiest and most exciting cities to fly over at night, and you deprived us of that thrilling experience. Also, you scared the shit out of me - not be able to see where the metal tube was going freaked me out enough to grow a little sympathy for those who usually have issues with this whole flying thing. Luckily, the people in the row behind and across from me were smarter and kinder than you and kept their windows open. I got a total neck spasm but at least I wasn't hyperventilating.

Love,
Missy (who really could be in Chicago right now, she wouldn't have a fucking clue).