Thanks for all the comments and emails guys, I love you all.
I'm in Auckland, New Zealand, at the moment, after a three and a half hour flight from Adelaide. Does it seem weird that I could have gone to Darwin in the same time it took me to get to a whole nother country? (Of course, when I was in Europe (ha! look at me, the world traveller!) I thought it was so cool that you drive for, like, twenty minutes and be a different country. Or three.
We flew over a bunch of islands on the way in, but my NZ geography sucks, so I'm taking the captain's word for it that I'm in Auckland, which is on the North Island.
Things We Have Learned So Far:
1. If a laptop bag strap breaking is the worst thing that happens, we're doing ok.
2. Even if you take off your bangle and jacket and anything else that might beep, they'll still make you take off your shoes.
3. If there are two spare seats next to you (TWO!) some bitch will steal one first chance she gets.
4. YES! There is free alcohol on international flights. Mystery solved.
Gotta go, boarding in 35 mins for SAN FRANCISCO!
PS Thanks to the nice man who let me use the rest of his internet time. This post is for you, buddy.