More than you ever wanted to read about my boobs

Holidays are boring yo. Especially with no internet.

Anyway.

I have a lump in my breast.

This does not strike fear into my heart. Maybe it should. But I’ve had it for years. Literally. At least three and probably a lot more. Why didn’t I do anything? I didn’t think it was anything. The one time I brought it up with The Witch, she dismissed it, probably taking her cue from my tone. So I didn’t do anything.

Until a couple of us were chatting about…I don’t even know what. The Gardasil vaccine, among other things. And I mentioned it. I don’t usually talk about my boobs, although I’m aware I do it a lot more these days. Probably because (a) I’m drunk a lot more these days and (b) I actually have some to talk about now.

So Shelle told me I should get it looked at. Which…duh. But since I was getting the vaccine anyway, I did. The doctor was all, wow there’s a lump. I guess she gets a lot of girls who hallucinate lumps in their breasts? Anyway, as she was having a prod around, she asked me, “Are you freaking out?” Well I wasn’t before, but thanks for suggesting I should be. Now I know how to feel.

She was good actually. I’m not suggesting she wasn’t. She booked an ultrasound for me for the next day and an appointment with the breast clinic at the Med Centre in a week.

I had the ultrasound today which was … exciting, actually. Also boring. I got to wear a gown! Just like on tv! And I had an ultrasound, without that whole OMG I May Be Knocked Up thing going on. (And I’m glad she knew what she was looking for, cos I couldn’t make out a thing until she drew the diameter lines in.) Anyway, she was pretty awesome too, and very reassuring, which was … reassuring, I guess, even though I still wasn’t behaving properly and freaking out. She was very calm and practical though, which I did appreciate. And she found another one! She’s better at Hide-and-Seek with my breast lumps than I am. This is apparently a good sign; we all agree that they’re benign fibro-adenomas.

I do still have an appointment at FMC, and a “fine needle aspiration biopsy of the palpable abnormality may be of value.” That sounds scary. The results aren’t scary (at the moment) but the big needle is.

So yeah. Go say hi to your girls! Wear pink! Have boob chats with your drinking buddies!

And, oh yeah, come fix my internet!