The answer was (e) none of the above.
Apparently, at a recent event at which a lot of alcohol was consumed, I said something "derogatory" about tutors, to a tutor, within another tutor's hearing. They were concerned about me, or something.
The tutors in question have no idea what is normal for me therefore couldn't know if this was out of character. Fuck off with your concern.
Dean Lady is protective of her tutors. How bout your tutors start being protective of themselves instead of running back to you all the time? I would have been much more amenable to discussion if it were them doing the discussing.
And oh yeah, maybe if they did it at the time I would have ONE FREAKING CLUE WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT. I don't think Dean Lady appreciated that I really didn't remember. Instead of agreeing that I don't have huge deep-seated Tutor Issues, she concluded that 1. I hadn't actually forgotten, and either way 2. I had drunk too much.
Which leads me to... the only time I have been in the Flats (where this ALLEGED incident occurred) was Soccer Celebrations. So... I do something good for the Hall, and I get hauled in to see Dean Lady. Right, that makes sense.
She also asked about my uni life (fine), my home life (fine), my sex life (non-existent, but that's ok), and my Hall life (fine, til about five minutes ago). Clearly, me mouthing off when I'm drunk means I have some Major Issues that I need to talk about.
Crying probably didn't help the Everything's Ok Image though, right?
It doesn't help that one of the tutors in question called herself Tutor Scum, to me, on a night when she'd had way too much to drink. And the other was messaging me at 3am after Toga, but couldn't spend a second clueing me in to what was going on.
The thing is, there are people who truly dislike tutors, there are people with major problems (ONE OF WHOM I EXPRESSED CONCERN FOR, BUT NO, AN IMAGINARY INCIDENT INVOLVING YOUR TUTORS IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT), and there are times in my Hall life that I've been ... well, not unhappy, cos that's not how I roll, but certainly less involved with the Hall etc when some concern from my friendly neighbourhood tutors wouldn't have gone astray - and I'm the one in the meeting today.
Let me just (the internet: 'just.' ha! after that novel you just wrote?) say that I don't this has done anything to promote "harmonious" relations between me and any tutor, ever again. Good work, Dean Lady.