As Jen so subtly pointed out ("WHERE THE HELL IS THAT POST WE DEMAND OF YOU?! WE GIVE YOU A BUTTON AND THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT US! STUPID WHORE." or something like that) I didn't post in the Second Asshat Award Competition Thingie. (And I'm going to pay her back for all that (imaginary) yelling but posting this on the little linky thing and pretending I did actually entered the 2AACT. HA!)
This is because of the subject. Asshats In The News. I'm sure there are a bajillion of them. But the thing is, I don't know about any of them. I don't watch the news, I don't listen to the radio anymore because I don't have to drive to work at a time when there is NO FRICKING MUSIC ON FOR THE LOVE OF GOD and am therefore forced to listen to the news, and I rarely read the newpaper (and if I do, it's mostly the basketball and the fashion and the comics. I know, you're shocked).
So yeah, while I am sure there are lots of asshats being reported, I am aware of exactly none of them.
(Although I do have one thing which is kinda amusing and slightly asshattish, if only in respect of what we consider to be 'newsworthy': Donatella Versace tripped going up the stairs.)
Moving on: The Third Annual Asshat Award Competition Thingie: Asshats at Work. HA! This one is just too easy, mostly because I already had it written and copy and paste is totally my bitch.
However, it was a really really big drama at the time, but I'm thinking it might not be that well written or it might not translate that well. So if you don't understand it, that's ok. You can just move on.
A bit of background: I worked at a childcare centre, where a kid called Hugo was meant to be picked up by taxi and taken to his preschool. As you'll see, it didn't really work out that way.
A Week In The Life
Dad was there to help us put Hugo into the taxi for the first time as he starts at Nemarluk preschool. Hugo demanded "That one car" in loud compelling tones but Dad refused to be compelled as he shut Hugo into the taxi with the idiot driver who wasn't quite sure where he was supposed to be going. Hugo, being smarter than the taxi driver, opened the door before they'd gotten out of the car park, so I put on the child lock and they proceeded (loudly, I imagine) to Nemarluk. Hugo was fine when I got him out in the afternoon only asking for "home" a couple of times before settling down to 'play with Jack and Sydney'.
Hugo wanted Dad but happily counted the nuts on the tyre of the taxi while I put his seat in. He got in happily and said "bubye" so I'm thinking it's all good. Then the taxi driver asked me what his name was, and I'm thinking it's even more good. This guy's not just going to ignore Hugo the whole way blah blah optimism. Then he goes, "Where's Sophia?" Um, what? Sophia, it turns out, is meant to be going to Wanguri. I run inside to check that indeed there is no Sophia and go back outside, where Hugo says "bubye" yet again, in the tone of, 'why I am not getting away from here already?' I remind the driver a number of times that this is Hugo and Hugo needs to go to Nemarluk before sending them on their way.
Third verse same as the second, a little bit louder and a little bit worse.
The driver asks D if Some Other Random Kid is ready to go as well, and again, we have to inform the nice man that SORK does not even go here, that they shouldn't be sharing a cab with Hugo, and this child, the one we're paying you to transport, needs to go to Nemarluk.
And cut the smokes thanks.
Maria, who went here for a short time and also goes to Nemarluk, gets dropped off around lunchtime. We didn't know she was coming in today but y'know, parents are crap at the whole keeping us informed thing so what the hell. Forty-five minutes later, the taxi driver is back, saying it's time for him to take Maria home now. You want us to believe you had instructions to take her from Nemarluk to creche, just for a flying visit before delivering her home. Yeah right. Get your facts straight before you go delivering kids to random addresses.
Hugo doesn't go to Nemarluk on Fridays. On a side note: are they TRYING to make it hard for us? Anyway, you guessed it, idiot taxi man showed up.
Still to come...
What happened to Sophia? Did SORK make it to school that day? How frantic were Maria's parents when she didn't arrive home at the appointed time? And can Hugo make it to Nemarluk and back on the right four days next week? Stay tuned.
A Week In The Life Part 2
Idiot Taxi Driver: Hugo and Jeffrey need to go to Malak.
Me: Are you freaking kidding me??? This is Hugo. Take him to Nemarluk.
Me: YES. Read the shirt. Hugo. Nemarluk. Got it?
Same thing, except this time he got a call to pick up Jeffrey from Malak and then take him and Hugo to Nemarluk.
I call mum. This is freaking ridiculous.
He wants to pick up Alexander (SORK) as well. NOT HERE DUDE.
And turns out the government's paying for it so now I don't really care how long they're making the trip. I still don't think they should be doing more than one kid at once. (Although dad says next term there'll be two kids from the centre going together.)
One Hugo is enough.
Jack went home straight after preschool so I get a 2hour lunch and an early mark! Which... irrelevent, but still.
Oh and on Wednesday, D said the taxi driver was just about to drive off when she went out with Hugo. He hadn't even beeped! Idiot.
So, took Hugo out. No, SOORK isn't here! Did I say that a bit forcefully? Too bad, I'm sick of this shit. So are the drivers, apparantly, judging by the huge groan this one did as he reached for his radio to tell HQ they they'd stuffed up yet again.
Oh! And! Not so irrelevent after all. As I went out to go home for my two. hour. lunch! there was a taxi waiting there. Just on the off-chance of two fuck-ups in one day, I went over to say hi. Ooh, nice cold aircon. Stay on task. Yeah, he was there to pick up Hugo. Not here buddy. The early driver got the kid. The slow driver is not a happy camper.
No Nemarluk (or actually, "Nenamyuk").
Yes taxi. Stupid stupid stupid.
Do you want another kid with that? Jeffrey maybe? Or SOOORK? Nope, just Hugo. It's a miracle.
Now let's see if next week we can't put it all together now mkay? Cheers.
A Week In The Life Part 3: The Final Chance to GET IT RIGHT
Me: Hop in, here's your bag. Seatbelt on. Ok, bye.
ITD*: Is this Hugo?
Me: Yes [idiot].
Him: And Jeffrey?
(then when I've calmed down)
Me: There is no Jeffrey. There is never a Jeffrey. Just Hugo.
Him: I have to get Jeffrey after. See? 17 something.
(and that's not me not remembering, his display actually didn't tell him the rest of the address)
Me: No. There is no Jeffrey. Take Hugo STRAIGHT TO NEMARLUK. Ok?
Him: Um, ok [crazy lady].
Me: goes inside thinking, "Freaking idiots".
Him: gets rightthefuck on his radio, "What's the address for Jeffrey so I can go and get him RIGHT NOW and piss off this crazy person who was FREAKING OUT."
*For those just tuning in, ITD = Idiot Taxi Driver.
And incidentally, Maria gets the same driver every time, who even gets her out of the cab and brings her inside. What can't they sort Hugo's transport rightthefuck out? Hmm? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Ok, so I can't remember what happened in the morning. Actually, yes I do.
He's all, "What's his name? And where's he going? Oh, [the woman from HQ on the radio] was saying something about Malak."
And I just totally shut him down. "Nope, not Malak. Definitely Nemarluk. Okay? OKAY???"
I had planned to go shopping for a new bag so I could pack that night. I knew Hugo was likely to be a bit after three, so I'd told vsquared I'd meet him a bit after that. (I just got to the end and realised I never finished off the shopping story, so here it is: I went shopping, found a bag, and was back in time for late snack. How awesome am I?)
So it's five after three, which is the latest he's ever been (and that had only been once, all the other times had been between five to three and three o'clock). I was waiting out in the foyer til he came, accompanied at various stages by random people on their breaks/knocking off/passing through.
At ten past, we call Nemarluk. He's already been picked up.
We call the taxi company. He's already been picked up. He should be here soon.
We wait. And wait.
We call Nemarluk again. (Why they didn't tell us he was going to be late is beyond me.)
We wait some more.
Hugo arrives at 3:40pm.
Basically fifty minutes late.
And PS: not really buying that he was picked up by ten past.
Turns out that our driver (Frank) dropped off Jeffrey (who is now his normal passenger) then went back to Nemarluk to pick up Hugo and SORK who hadn't been picked up by their random drivers. So Frank, being the good citizen that he is, took both of them, dropped off SORK, then brought Hugo here, only to be abused by yours truly.
Actually I was very restrained, especially after he explained the sitch. He even offered to become Hugo's regular driver, which as far as I know is what's going to happen.
The real kicker: D called mum specifically to let her know what happened, as The Parents hadn't arrived when D's shift was over. (Work said they'd left ages ago.) So D hung around to let them know. Mum's response? "Wow Hugo, been all over town today?"
Oh my freaking god. You know, I said not to call The Parents during the crisis, because what could they do that we weren't already. Worry? I said that we weren't doing. But y'know, next time we'll be able to, as I know it won't even stress them out.
OH MY FREAKING GOD! THEY FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT! I AM SO PROUD.
(Only took you two and half weeks you freaking idiots.)