Body Image

Ok, so, (note to self: need to stop beginning posts that way) a while ago I was going to write a post about how much I haven't exercised lately and how skywalker weighs ten whole kilos less than me, even though he's like a foot taller (sw: yes I said it, go ahead and gloat) and how when I got my cute little reward chart and my Bear Hunt book sent to me, I would start an exercise regime.

And then Tiffany published this post about her body and how she's feeling and blah blah blah.

So now I don't think I can do mine.

Because really? No-one in their right mind who wasn't in the throes of anorexia - and is anorexia a mental thing now? cos that doesn't really work. and unless they were anorexics with a conversation policy... ok it doesn't work. Point is: I'm not fat. I am reasonably tall and with a slim to average build.

However.

I have put on weight. I have not exercised.

Yes, I did run around on the back court in bare feet. Good of you to notice.

But I am very very unfit and I want to make the SAAUCC basketball team and I really don't like the way I am filling out that one pair of jeans. So I decided to exercise. I did exercise. I played ball. I looked like a basketball player.

{Boys, press 4 now*}

*On our phones, 4 is the delete button, so when there's a message about a particular group, they say, "This message is for body-image-obsessed girls; everyone else can Press Four Now." So boys, you can scroll down, everyone else can click the cute little link below.

Oh my god the pain. I did full-court layups, right and left hands. Then I shot around for a bit before trying some moves from the foul line. THE PAIN. Then I made myself shoot five free throws (I got three, in case you're wondering) and let myself hold the basketball to my stomach and lamely limp up to room. The STAIRS oh my lord.

Then I lay down on my bed (on my towel on my bed) and sweated and shook and curled up and willed the pain to go away.

And this is why I will never be a top athlete. For a week out of every month, my training (such as it is or ever may be) will go to shit, and so will my fitness.

I am resolved to keep trying, because basically? I do not want to buy anything above a Size 10(ok, 12) in shorts and a size 8/10 in tops. I am vain, I am skinny, and that's how it is going to stay.