Thursday, June 07, 2007


I saw Pirates 3 on Tuesday (cos we're cheap students!). I don't think I liked it. I didn't think I liked the second one but it got better after I watched it again, hence my confusion over whether I did actually not like this one.

Far be it for me to complain about too much Johnny Depp (you could never have too much Johnny Depp) but I don't think I liked the multiple Jacks thing. I don't think they got too many funny lines out of it, I don't think it helped the plot along, and it was better when Captain Jack was all crazy on his own.

You could totally tell who the smart people were in the cinema. Seriously, how many Pirates movies have there been? How many of them have not had something after the credits? WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE GOING?

Something I did like (and I totally stole this off the IMDb message board, thanks whoever wrote it) was that they all ended up where they started, and I quote: "COTBP: At the start, Barbossa is captain of Black Pearl; Gibbs is on Tortuga; Jack is on the dinghy; Will and Elizabeth are living seperate but intertwined lives---AWE: At the end, Gibbs is on Tortuga; Barbossa is captain; Jack is on the dinghy; Will and Elizabeth are the same."

I wanted there to be something more significant about the nine pieces of eight. And that line about the junk they had in their pockets at the time I thought was funny, but like most of the other funny lines, it should have been hilarious and for some reason it wasn't.

At the end of the second one I had heaps of questions - it was totally a second in the trilogy, but I didn't get a sense of discovery in the third one as if they had been clever and were tying up all the loose ends they'd left. I suppose they did tie them up, but there should have been these great reveals.

Calypso. Man, Calypso. First of all it was obvious that it was going to be Tia Dalma since they brought her along. But why bring her along? I could've done with leaving her in her swamp.* Her accent annoyed me. I wanted her to suddenly be drop-dead gorgeous when they released her(and I was even planning out how they would do it), instead she just got really big. And...turned into lots of crabs. Ok so she created the maelstrom, but then she didn't do anything. Was that the best an all-poewrful sea goddess could come up with?

*Which brings me to my next point. If you wanted another female character, how about Ana Maria, from the first one. She was pretty awesome. She could have been a sea goddess.

I was a bit dubious about them getting married of a battle but that kiss - oh my god! The hottest kiss EVER.

Keira Knightley can't act.
(Altho I did enjoy her little speech to the pirates, suprisingly.)

What was the point in having Chow Yun-Fat in the movie at all? So he could be on the poster. So he could die. Oh yeah, and so he could make Elizabeth captain (which was actually ok by me, even though it was the most obvious move ever). They should have made us care about him so that we'd care when he died, instead of being all, 'just die already and make her the pirate lord so we can move on.' Which is mean.

It was funny when they were all, 'we don't care if you kill him, he's not our guy,' and I loved how it pained Jack to say 'Captain Swann,' but they both could have been so much better moments. I don't know what you guys are doing wrong, but something wasn't quite right.

I was expecting some more significance to come from the song at the start. Apparently it signifed the gathering of the pirates or what have you. This I learned from the intrawebs.

Also. The reason Davy Jones was all tentacly was because Tia Dalma/Calypso betrayed him during his first ten years at sea. At the end, when Kiera was watching the sunset, apparently signified the end of the ten years, during which she'd been faithful, and therefore Will could come home to her. FILMMAKERS: YOU CAN'T RELY ON THE INTERNET OR EXTRAS ON THE DVD TO TELL YOUR STORY FOR YOU.


  1. dude you gotta stop being a critic and learn to enjoy a movie

  2. sorry!

    i think it's a side-effect of studying film adaptatins all semester. hopefully it'll go away.

  3. I reckon the special effects geeks won the Friday night drinking contest with the scriptwriters.

    Consequently heaps of shots of sailing ships whirling arouond a maelstrom, and not a funny line to be heard.


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