WTB?!'s Fifth Symphony

After being very slack, may I present my entry in the 5th somewhat weekly ass hat contest: Choose Your Own Adventure Ass Hat-Orama.

I have to do a huuge quote here because nothing else could really do it justice. For the moment, let's just say that I am so genuinly offended right now.

From a full-page real estate ad:

Koalas, Kookaburras and picket fences [where did the caps go? are they only for K-words?] are part of this everyday life style.

A classic solid brick coloured style residence [how about some punctuation?
and less adjectives] proudly constructed by leading by leading [I'm going to
stop with the commentary so I don't give myself an aneurism] master-builder Ian
Waite where quality and attention to detail is evident throughout this gracious
home. The wide welcoming entrance hall flows through the double doors to the
fabulous lounge and also to the bedroom wing. The generous size lounge features
an enchanting bay windows [an windows??? seriously???] and slow combustion fire
for easy winter nights. A separate dinning room makes entertaining easy and
adjoining step saving kitchen a pleasure to cook in. There are three quiet [well
sure, all the noise is in the dinning room] airy bedrooms build on a mostly
scale [built mostly to scale?] and a spotless bathroom with exquisite terazzo
finish. A peaceful office in TV room has access to the wide rear patio with a
picturesque backdrop to distant evergreen hills and stately gums where you can
watch the colours of the seasons change in your own beautiful backyard.

We accept no responsibility and disclaim all liability in respect of any
errors, omissions, inaccuracies or misstatements.

Dude. I don't even know where to start. (Obviously I didn't know when to stop my commentary either but some I just couldn't let go.)

If this guy is still in business I am shocked and appalled. I hope the owners of the house sued the shit out of him. There's bad spelling and grammer... and then there's this. I can forgive an over-abundance of adjectives because really, that's the industry. As long as they're well-punctuated. But this. No.

I hereby proclaim Alf Talotta of Ray White my Asshat Of The Week, for letting this piece of shit go out with his name on it. I'm sure the company was happy to be represented by such award-winning prose. Maybe if he spent less time watching the TV in his peaceful office, he might get some proper work done.

Dood: lern to right good lolz!!!1111!